A close relative of mine visited home one morning. Oblivious to the fact that she doesn’t eat bread, I included a few slices on her plate when I served breakfast. To my surprise, she asked if we had any plain or sweet buns in the house which she could eat instead. Feeling a bit concerned, I asked if there was any medical reason for her preference. With a sad face, she narrated a story of how she had a full blown argument with someone concerning bread. Bitter words were said to her on that day and so she vowed never again to eat bread. All efforts to convince her otherwise were in vain and because we had no substitute for bread in the house, she left our home later that morning having only eaten the compliments that were served alongside the bread.
This is a typical example of someone who lives with the wounds of a bad experience because they refuse to forgive, let go & move on. What is interesting is that by avoiding bread altogether, she actually thinks she is punishing the perpetrator of this injustice when in reality she is punishing herself. By refusing to forgive she has given absolute power to the person who hurt her, so much so that he controls her choices even in his absence. She denies herself the joy of feasting on bread every time opportunity presents itself because she never allowed herself to heal from the experience.
We can all agree that her judgment is misplaced because bread is not the issue. We might say this is a trivial matter and yet in reality we do the same thing when we say that we’ll never love again just because we experienced a failed relationship. Clearly, love or the relationship itself is not the issue. Choosing to invest your heart in a relationship with the wrong partner is one of the issues. If we fail to identify the main problem, just like in our example, we will fail to partake of a healthy relationship every time love presents an opportunity because we never really dealt with the main issues.
Often times, we go from broken relationship to broken relationship because we keep choosing the same kind of person with a different name. If we investigate a little further we will uncover another issue which is why we keep attracting this kind of person in the first place. Someone said that, “you don’t attract in life what you want; you attract in life what you are.”
Separating issues like my mentor puts it, is what helps us deal with problems effectively. Dr RC Blakes said, “Invest your heart the same way you invest your money.” I know a number of people that have made poor investment decisions and lost huge sums of money but I’ve never heard them say, “I hate money.” This is because they know that money is not the issue. The real issue is poor investment decisions. Why is it then that when we investment our hearts in the wrong relationships we end up hating relationships altogether instead of dealing with the main issue which is that we made a poor investment decision and we need to invest our hearts wisely next time we are presented with an opportunity.
Love is still a beautiful thing. Don’t give absolute power to those who hurt you by letting their actions dictate how your love story unfolds. Separate your issues and deal with the problem before you decide to never love again. God Bless!!