Love plays a big role in our lives. It affects us emotionally, physically and mentally. All relationships thrive in an environment full of love and good communication. If there is miscommunication between two individuals in a relationship, there will definitely be problems in their love life. Let’s get back to the basics, for a romantic relationship to work, different individuals have to come together. Individuals with different personalities, different characters, different interests and perspectives, as well as different views of life. Every single person has their own way to show or express and receive love. Have you ever been in a situation where you have gone out of your way to do something for your partner but the way they reciprocate their appreciation makes you wonder if you did something wrong?
Dr. Gary chapman, a famous American author in his book The Five Love Languages a #1 New York Times bestseller, he talks about miscommunication in relationships. In his early years as a marriage counsellor, Dr. chapman came up with this concept of the five love languages after he realized most of his clients if not all had similar problems which only meant they had poor communication in their relationships. The concept was simply used to shine some light in relationships whereby he shows that most people tend to naturally express or show love in the way that they prefer to receive love.
In simple terms, your love language is the way you receive love.
The five love languages include;
- Words of affirmation
Love and affection are expressed or received through praise, encouragement, appreciation as well as empathy. This involves writing love letters to your partner, complimenting what your partner does or how she looks, telling them you love them and being grateful for everything they offer you, not forgetting the part you accept responsibility and be sorry for making a mistake.
- Acts of service
Love is expressed or received through actions rather than just words. This love language makes you go out of your way to impress your partner by helping out in chores or activities they love. They may include, volunteering to look after the kids, washing dishes, paying for dinner, taking out the trash, cooking a meal, giving a foot rub or a massage and helping out with a project or activity among others.
- Gift giving
Love and affection are expressed through gifting your partner sweet thoughtful gifts unexpectedly. Whenever you go out of town for work you can bring back home a souvenir, you can sneak a thoughtful gift in their bag, purchase your partner something they have been eyeing for a while etc.
- Quality time
Love and affection are expressed and received with total undivided and undistracted attention. Here you can sit with your partner without even talking or doing anything and they will surely appreciate it. This is also where you can arrange for game nights, movie nights, date nights, walks, exercises together, go to bed at the same time and even cook together.
- Physical touch
Love and affection are expressed and received through physical touch. Kisses, cuddles, holding hands, massages and physical intimacy are a must.
Here is a practical example of how love languages work. For instance, your partner’s love language is quality time and yours is receiving gifts. If you and your partner don’t communicate well, you will end up using your love language to show them love instead of their own love language. You will shower him/her with gifts which will not exactly extract any fulfilled emotions that you long to see from them because they will not see it as you do. They on the other hand will be yearning to spend some quality time with you. Miscommunication or poor communication is the lead cause of problems in relationships.
If you are wondering what your love language is or your partners, take some time to do this quiz. With proper communication, this information will help you and your partner deepen your connection.