The relationship is no more building you up. You are tired of being drained physically, emotionally and economically. You want to quit but don’t know how to do it? Here are some tips:
Be sure of your decision. A one day argument should not be a reason for your break up. Do not rush into making a decision regarding break up. Always put in mind that you may never get back together and therefore think twice. Also, being single or rather hurting your feelings or your partners should not hinder you from breaking up from a toxic relationship.
Choose the right time of having a breakup conversation. This may seem funny because there is no perfect time for a break up though before bringing the issue up, ensure your partner is not undergoing any crisis for instance family loss or fighting a disease or even a job loss. Check on the environment, is it conducive? Be aware anger can arise from the conversation and this can lead to shame on both of you.
Prepare your partner for the conversation. Let’s not bump to our partners loud with a “we need to talk phrase”, give them an early notification to prepare themselves for the talk. Break up texts, calls and emails are never the best. Have some little respect for your relationship and have time to meet and talk about it.
Use “I statements”, for you to go ahead and request for a talk for the purpose of breakup, you ought to have your own reasons hence do not pluralize the situation. Always talk from your own perception. For instance, talk of “I need to focus on my future” rather than using “we”.
“Speak the truth but always speak it in love’. Remember this is someone you love, so tell him/her the truth of why you want to end the relationship. This will also give your partner an easy task of moving on and healing for they will realize the reason for it. Find a best way to phrase your criticism. Give reassuring statements like “you are a good person, but… “, this to some extent will reduce the pain and help the partner feel valuable.
Suggest being friends afterwards. If she /he is not Comfortable with that then drop it.
Let’s assume you were the dumpee, so unfortunate it had to happen, but still life has to go on. Take a look on how you can manage the fact;
Accept the reality of pain. Regrets may make it hard on both sides but still it’s an already made decision and life must move on.
Let it out as the dumpee. Feeling isolated, unloved and lone will be the order of the day. This can lead to depression, though you shouldn’t let it happen. Reach out for friends and your loved ones. Talk about your pains and emotions, share your experience on the same. Involve therapeutic arts to express your emotions. For instance, draw a picture of the situation you are in, listen to music as you dance along. Find a hobby and work on it. Some may find it easy to relieve the pain through breaking items, punching something, shouting and crying out loud. Do it. Remember not to hurt yourself or others in the process. The dumper may feel courageous but also guilty. Book a session with a counselor; get someone to talk to about how you feel after ending the relationship. Have time with friends.
Put it down on paper. You might not be in a position to share it out to your friends, loved ones or even to a counselor. Then put it down. When free, jot down honestly and openly your emotions to understand them. Give reasons as to why you decided to dump your partner and or reasons as to why you were dumped. Think through your emotions and gauge them to understand them better.
Be positive to self. For most, break up pins them down. They feel unworthy in the society and this drains their self courage. A lot of negative thoughts will always fill your mind but don’t let them take over you. Have more time for yourself and always remind yourself of how good and worth you are. Explore the town /city you are in. Treat yourself as worth as you are.
Cut off ties. He /she is now your ex. Respect yourself and don’t bother them with texts and calls each time. Always remind yourself of the reasons for breakup each time you think of them. Delete their contacts and block them on social media. A lot will always bring memories of your relationship, for instance, gifts, photos and many more. You can crop him/her out of the picture or delete pictures of them in your gallery and social media accounts. Get rid of the souvenirs such as teddy bears, t-shirts and more either by donating or burning.
Don’t rush to the next relationship, give yourself time to heal. Do not try to prove to your partner how you can be good at finding a new partner because this will only be getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Identify who you are and how worth you are.
The first weeks may be so difficult to go through, but with time everything will be at its best. Try using the above tips to get over your worst break up but remember it starts with you. Be ready to overcome your fears by facing them.